You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
