i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
