I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
