No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
