let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
