I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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