if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
