Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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