We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
