Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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