when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
