kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
