Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
