operation harelip BJ is a go
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
