I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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