i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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