did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
