Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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