i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
