my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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