So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize