he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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