theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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