So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
