meet me or not, i'm out of control
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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