She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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