Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
