The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
