batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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