i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
