Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
