one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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