Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
