Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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