i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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