Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
