Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
