bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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