i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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