let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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