There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
