Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
