So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
