So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
A bitchslap is in order.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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