You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
