its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
