On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
