wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
