I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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