I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize