I CAN MOONWALK!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
