the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
