Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
