If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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