Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
