He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
