my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
