When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
