no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize