32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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