I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
