fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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