you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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