Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
