Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Randomize