yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
