Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
