I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
