we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
